Anyone who knows me personally knows that June was a very stressful and very disappointing month for me. I made the very tough decision to sever ties with an organization that I loved and had poured my heart and soul into for more than 4 years for reasons that I won't go into here. Let's just say that I did what I felt then and still feel now was best for my family first, and the organization second. When I told my best friend, Jason Schulties, about my decision he was flabberghasted, and understandably so. In his own words, the organization (which I won't name) was "my passion," and he couldn't believe that I had left it. But I did, for reasons that I believed in then and still believe in now, and what's done is done. "It is what it is," as the patch I had sewn on my old road vest the following week says.
As tough as this decision was, I was okay with it because I knew in my heart that it was not only the only decision I could make, but the right one. But I have to say that the one thing that bothered me the most about this was not having to leave the organization, but losing a very close and very dear friend in the process. And I will honestly say that I lost this person as a friend because of a misconception he is under, not over anything I have done. And the really sad part is that he won't give me the chance to explain things to him.
This bothered me greatly for about a month or so. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't make friends easily; if I let you into my very small circle of friends, you can bet your ass that there's something very special about you that I recognize, and I cherish each of my friends very dearly. I'm the kind of person that if I'm your friend, you can call me at 2AM and tell me that you need me RIGHT NOW, and I'd go without even asking you why. All I'd ask is where you are and will you be okay until I get there. (And maybe do I need to bring a gun and if so how many.) That's the kind of friend I am. And this person of whom I speak was #2 on my list of people I'd die for, so when he cut ties with me in a fit of anger without even giving me a chance to tell him that he was mistaken about what he was thinking, it cut me deep. To the bone deep, and it worried me for about a month. And I don't worry about things for longer than a day or so normally, so that's saying something.
Then, out of the clear blue nowhere yesterday morning, it hit me. It hit me like a thunderclap, so hard that I literally stopped what I was doing, sat back and said "Wow!" to myself. What could that possibly be, you ask? Simple.
I valued his friendship more than he valued mine.
The worry and consternation I felt over this vanished in an instant, and I felt like the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I knew from the outset that I didn't do anything wrong to bring this all about, but sometimes that knowledge just isn't good enough. Sometimes it takes either an epiphany or a BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious) for things to become clear. Such was the case yesterday, and I'm not worried about this anymore. I valued his friendship more than he valued mine, and that simple knowledge erased all of the consternation and self-doubt I was having about this whole thing.
But you wanna know the funny thing about all of this? If he were to contact me and want to talk about this, I'd talk with him no problem. I'd try my best to make him see how he had misconstrued something and was under an incorrect assumption, and if I was successful I'd have no problem picking right up where we left off. You see, we're all human and we all make mistakes, and there's nothing that will ever change that. But the mark of a real man and a true friend is one who's willing to admit when they're wrong and have made a mistake, and then attempt to set things right. I'll respond in a positive way to efforts such as that all day long, and will gladly give that person a second chance. After all, that's what friends do.
But that's not up to me. That's up to them - or him, in this particular instance.
In the mean time, my conscience is clear. I'm now ready to move on to the next chapter in my life and put all of the bad things that happened in June behind me. After all, if you spend too much time looking at the stuff that's behind you, you'll miss all of the good things in front of you.
And life's just too damned short for that.
Deo Vindice.
IHC
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