A Work In Progress

And I've had to do a lot of forgiving in the past six or seven months, let me tell you.

 

Anyone who knows me should have been able to tell that I'm not the same person I was seven months ago.  I've had to change just about every aspect of my life, and what I didn't change was changed for me - and not with my consent.  I was betrayed and abandoned by the one group of people that I never thought would do that, and a few of the people who I considered to be my closest friends were among them.  

 

I'll be the first to tell you that I don't make friends easily because I'm a difficult person to get close to - and I'm that way by nature, not on purpose.  But I'll also tell you that if you're my friend, you will have no more loyal and dependable a friend than me.  I'm the kind of friend that if you call me at two in the morning and tell me you need me RIGHT NOW, I won't ask why.  I'll just ask where you are and can you hold out until I get there.  

 

And of course, I expect the same in return.  I realize that most people are incapable of this kind of loyalty, so I'm very choosy about who I let into my inner circle and who I call 'friend.'  

 

Right now my inner circle is smaller than it's ever been, all thanks to the events of the past seven months.  I made at least one bad choice and let at least one person into my inner circle who didn't deserve it, and now I'm paying for it.  I won't make that mistake with this person again, trust me on that.

 

I won't go into detail about what happened for several reasons.  First, I'd have to embarrass a few people by airing some despicable things that were done and/or said about me, and that would serve no viable purpose.  It wouldn't change anything, so I won't go there.  Second, it's a long story - and I mean a LONG story.  I wrote it all down for posterity and to keep the sequence of events straight in my head, and it comes out to SEVEN single spaced typed pages.  And lastly, I don't talk shit about people behind their backs - unlike the rest of the people in this group to which I'm referring (and you know who you are).

 

So let me just say that my faith in people has pretty much been shattered, and I don't trust people like I used to.  Not that I trusted them all that much to begin with, but now I trust them less than I ever have.  I realize that I'm overreacting, but I can't help it.  That's just me, it's just the way I am.  But at least I realize it, and I'm working on it.  

 

Overall, I'm a work in progress, so please bear with me.  I'll get it all straightened out in due time.  

 

Deo Vindice

IHC