"Am I a Bad American" Updated

This little ditty made the rounds quite some time ago, but there are some things in it that I feel are just as relevant now as they were then. I've also taken the liberty of updating it, getting rid of the Clinton-era jabs at "Slick Willy" and anything else that would serve to "date" it. So here, for your perusal, is "Am I a Bad American?" updated for the 21st century.

I like big cars, big boats, big houses, and BIG bikes!

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some still-wet-behind-the-ears former junior Congressman who wants to “redistribute” it to unemployed crack-addict welfare mothers squirting out babies.

I don't care about appearing compassionate.

I don’t think that playing with toy guns makes you a killer.

I believe it's called the "Boy Scouts" for a reason.

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized, or entitles you to anything that you don’t have to work for.

I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or piss me off.

I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English.

As a matter of fact, I believe if you are an American citizen you should be REQUIRED to speak English. If you want to refuse to learn English and continue to speak your native language, then go the hell home. We neither want nor need you here.

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them after they tell you to stop.

If you can't understand the words “freeze” or “stop” in English, see the previous line.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special programs, government-sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, convenience store, trinket shop, or any other damn thing.

I don’t believe in “bailouts.” If a company is run correctly and with common sense, it will survive and flourish. If not, it will fail and another one will take its place. Such is life.

I believe that any company that receives “bailout” money from the Federal government should be restricted from handing out bonuses to employees at any level. Break this rule and you give the bailout money back – all of it, NOW, and then take your chances in the free market.

I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to.

I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words l"ight," "lite" or "fat-free" on the package.

We did not go to some foreign country and risk lives in vain to defend our constitution so that decades later you can tell us it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation.

I don't hate the rich.

I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake.

I've never owned or was a slave, and the vast majority of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either.

I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with a bad attitude.

I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American can own a gun, but if you use it in a crime then you will serve the time. A rubber band and a paper clip is also a dangerous weapon in the hands of someone with malicious intent.

We don't need more “gun control” laws. Let's enforce the ones we already have.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it pisses you off, invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building.

I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, or turkey anything sucks.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent with the balls to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO."

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement.

I don’t think that being an actor or an actress makes you an expert on anything except maybe acting, and in some cases even then I'm not sure. It damn sure doesn’t make you an expert on politics, religion, or warfare, so just shut the hell up and act.

I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.

I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I have a right to my beliefs and opinions, and the Constitution of this country protects that right.

I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings.

I am sick to death of "Political Correctness." The mere mention of the term makes me want to puke.

I'm neither angry nor “bitter,” no matter how desperately the mainstream media or the political candidate it supports would like the world to believe otherwise.

So there.

IHC