"FUMB! WE CAME ANYWAY!"

This is what is written on the back of a t-shirt I bought last weekend at Suck Bang Blow in Four Points, and it's pretty much the attitude of all of the bikers I talked to while at the Myrtle Beach Spring Rally, also known as Bike Week.

As anyone who reads either my blog or the blog of my "brutha from anutha mutha," Bulldog Chief knows, this past week Bulldog rode his Harley Electra Glide Standard from his home in Brandon, Mississippi to my house in Lexington, SC for the purpose of making the trip with me to Bike Week in Myrtle Beach. The last rally that Bulldog and I had been to was to the Harley Rendevous Classic in Maryville, New York in July 2006, so we were long overdue for a blowout! Around six PM on Thursday, May 7, Bulldog pulled up into my driveway, parked his bike in my garage, and half an hour later we were sitting down drinking the first of what would be many, many cold beers over the next four days.

We didn't have to be at the hotel in North Myrtle Beach until three, so we left the house around 9 or so. I rode my wife's Road King instead of taking my Nightster for two reasons: I don't have any luggage big enough that will fit the Nightster for that long a trip, and the Road King has cruise control. 'Nuff said.

Anyhow, we got to the hotel around two, checked in, and then started to find our way around town. That was easy, considering that the promoters of the rally published a map which not only showed us where all of the attractions - meaning the vendors and, most importantly, the biker bars - were located; it also showed us in full color exactly where the city limits of Myrtle Beach were located. This was an area that we avoided like the plague for the three days we were in town, and for good reason - the city of Myrtle Beach, in response to a civil suit action filed against them by the NAACP and the ACLU, recently passed a very strict set of city ordinances aimed specifically at driving not only the Spring and Fall rallies out of town, but the Atlantic Bike Week rally as well.

Never heard of the Atlantic Bike Week rally? It's also known as "Black Bike Week." More on the significance of this later.

In any event, the two ordinances that MB passed that would hit the Harley riders the hardest were the requirement that all motorcycle riders/passengers must wear helmets inside the city limits, and the one restricting the decible level of aftermarket pipes to such a low level that any type of after-market pipes would violate the ordinance. And everyone knows that the first thing most Harley riders do after they buy their bike is change the pipes; the second thing they do is change the seat. So as a result of these ordinances plus a slew of others, the organizers of the rally were forced to scatter the vendors around the city limits, placing all of them outside the city limits of Myrtle Beach. This increased the time needed to ride from place to place, but that's not such a bad thing to a biker after all.

So, map in hand, Bulldog and I proceeded to locate the vendors and some of the many bars we would visit. Not long after we arrived we had dinner at the Hooters on Highway 17, where our waitress told us how she didn't understand why the Spring Bike Week folks were being forced to suffer for the sins of others, specifically the folks who attended Black Bike Week. She told us of how last year, she had a large group of BBW riders run up a $200.00 tab on her, then skip out without paying for it. Her boss, kind soul that he is, made her pay for it instead of just eating it himself. Nice guy, huh?

We then paid a visit - a very short visit - to the Broken Spoke Saloon. I'd call this place a dive, but as Bulldog said that night, you'd have to do at least $20,000 worth of renovations to be able to call it a dive. Yes, it was that bad. If you've never been, I'd suggest you not go. Really.

The next day we started out on our two-day odyssey of travelling from biker bar to biker bar, with a few stops at the vendors along the way. The only time we spent any money inside the city limits of Myrtle Beach was when we had lunch at Margaritaville; you see, I'm a Parrotthead from way back, and I just had to go eat there! Aside from that, the city of Myrtle Beach didn't see a dime from us! We quickly discovered the virtues of Highway 17 Bypass, which takes you around the city limits instead of through the city, which saves you a bunch of time when travelling from bar to bar.

And lemme tell ya, we did travel from bar to bar! We did them all - Suck Bang Blow at Four Points, the original Suck Bang Blow on Murrell's Inlet, the Beaver Bar, the Beaver Bar II, Hoof 'n Finz, the Doghouse, the Doghouse II, the Dead Dog...the only one we didn't hit was the Iron Gate because we didn't feel like riding through the city to get to it. All the others could be ridden to without having to go through the city, so we did just that!

Sunday afternoon around three or so, Bulldog and I were sitting on the front porch of the Beaver Bar watching the beer babe in front of us and the traffic out on the street when I made an observation to him. I told him that throughout the last two days, we had seen literally thousands of bikers, all of them drinking, but we had seen only one - ONE - biker who was staggering drunk. There had been NO fights, NO getting loud and rowdy, NO burnouts in the streets, NO racing, NO stabbings, NO shootings, and NO walking out on tabs. All of these activities, by the way, take place every year during Black Bike Week. We were both pleased and, I think, a little surprised by this, but pleasantly so. I went on to say that I think in another two years or so, when the organizers of the rally have enough time to secure a place where they can centrally locate all of the vendors (which I really hope is Murrell's Inlet, but I think it's gonna be North Myrtle Beach), the people in Myrtle Beach are gonna find themselves saying, "WTF did we do??? Murrell's Inlet and North Myrtle Beach are gonna be raking in the cash, while Myrtle Beach is gonna be raking in....well, nothing.

All I can say is, Mayor Rhodes and the members of the City Council, you asked for it. You tried to keep us out, but we came anyway! We came, we had a damned good time, and we did it without spending a dime in your city! Sunday afternoon at the Beaver Bar I saw a biker wearing a shirt that on the back in big orange letters, said "FUMB," with "Spring Rally 2009" below it, and below that, it said "WE CAME ANYWAY!" I just had to have me one of those shirts, and a few hours later at Suck Bang Blow I found one and bought it. I plan on wearing it every time I go to Myrtle Beach from now on.

Monday morning came all too quickly, and with it came the forcast of a 70% chance of not just rain but thunderstorms in Myrtle Beach, so Bulldog and I hit the road early. We left the hotel at 7:00 and rode nonstop to Camden, where we pulled off to have breakfast at a Waffle House and wait out the rain we could see five miles down the road ahead of us. No sooner had we gotten inside than the rain came. Half an hour later we were back on the road, and half an hour after that we were back at my house relaxing. The trip to the Spring Rally was nothing short of fantastic, and it was easily one of the best vacations I've ever had!

I just think it's a damned shame that the mayor and the city council let themselves be forced into taking the course of action they did by the NAACP and the ACLU. My opinion is this: why punish the masses for the sins of the few? Instead of taking action to banish ALL bike rallies from Myrtle Beach, why not just banish the one that causes all the problems?

The answer is simple, and you know it as well as I do. And save me the bullshit about being "fair," and "what's good for one is good for all." MY having to suffer for the sins of someone else is FAR from being "fair." For the people at Spring Bike Week to have to suffer for the sins of the people at Black Bike Week is a far cry from being "fair."

And before you start slapping the "racist" label on me, lemme ask you a question: would you be thinking that if I were a black biker complaining about the bikers at Spring Bike Week?

I didn't think so.

Just because a white guy says it don't make it racist, especially if it's the truth.

IHC