And in today's tale from the dorm I'm gonna tell on myself. I mean, you have to be able to laugh at yourself, right? And trust me, you're gonna laugh at this one!
I graduated from the Military Training Instructor School (MTIS) on December 17, 1982, which just also happened to be the night of my squadron Christmas party. As I was at home that afternoon I got a phone call from the squadron telling me that I had been assigned to Dorm B-3 under a firebrand of an MTI by the name of SSgt Patricia D. Barrett (now Barrett-Kennedy). Pat was a short little black woman who was without a doubt the finest MTI it was ever my pleasure to meet, let alone work with. She had a level of professionalism that was second to none, and she taught me things about training and supervision that I used for the rest of my military career and again into my civilian career as well. I admire the hell out of her, and I'm not afraid to say it.
I was also told that we had been 'alerted,' which means that we would be picking up a brand new flight of recruits that night - or rather, very early the next morning. I was told that SSgt Barrett had already set up the dorm, and that I should be available when the phone call came letting me know that my new flight was on the way to the squadron. So my wife and I went to the Christmas party, had a good time, and were back at the house by ten PM. An hour later the phone call came, so it was into uniform and off to the squadron for me.
I must admit that I was both proud and nervous as hell as I got out of my car in the squadron parking lot, putting on my brand-new campaign hat and adjusting it 'just so.' I just hoped that I didn't foul things up too badly on my first night picking up my first flight, and I was really nervous about letting SSgt Barrett down.
I had no idea what was coming.
SSgt Barrett was there as well; I had graduated from MTIS, sure, but I still wasn't allowed to train the troops by myself. I had to have a certified MTI with me, so that's why SSgt Barrett was there. We met the recruits as they ran off of the bus, called roll, went through the mandatory stuff that happens when a new flight gets there (more on that later), and then it was up to the dorm. Once we got them into the dorm, all 55 of them, we assigned each of them to a wall locker and a bunk. The dorm was divided into two bays, 'A' Bay and 'B' Bay, with half of the flight in each bay. I was working 'A' Bay while SSgt Barrett was working 'B' Bay. All we had to do was get them to lock up their valuables, then go take care of the "Triple S" - shit, shower, and shave. So as I walked up and down in the center aisle that ran down the center of the dorm with the beds and wall lockers on each side, I told the new recruits what they had to do. I told them that they had 30 minutes to shit, shower and shave, then be back at their beds so we could inspect them. I distinctly remember saying, "and when I say shave, I mean remove all facial hair!"
Can you see what's coming?
30 minutes later the new troops are in their underwear standing at attention in front of their wall lockers at their beds while we walked up and down the aisle looking them over to make sure no one was bleeding to death. For a lot of the recruits this was the first time they'd ever shaved, so we had to make sure they weren't cut up and bleeding all over everywhere.
I got to this one trainee, and something about this kid just didn't look right. I looked at him again, shook my head and rubbed my eyes, then looked once more. Nope, something's definitely not right, but I can't figure out what it is. So I walked up to the head of the bay and called out to SSgt Barrett, asking her to come here for a minute. When she got there I leaned over and said very quietly, "There's something wrong with one of these trainees, but I can't put my finger on what it is. Something just isn't right!" She asked me which one I was talking about, so I took her over to where the trainee was standing.
"This one," I said, nodding towards the airman. SSgt Barrett walked up to the trainee, got really close, looked up at him, and in a loud, clear voice, shouted out, "BOY, WHY DID YOU SHAVE YOUR EYEBROWS OFF?"
The trainee immediately replied in a voice just as loud, "MA'AM, BECAUSE SERGEANT CRAIG TOLD ME TO!"
"I did not!" I shouted, quickly walking over and standing less than a foot away from the new airman, with SSgt Barrett moving out of the way as I did.
"SIR, YOU SAID THAT WHEN WE SHAVED WE WERE TO REMOVE ALL FACIAL HAIR, AND SINCE MY EYEBROWS WERE ON MY FACE I SHAVED THEM OFF LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO!" the airman replied, still shouting.
The reason SSgt Barrett moved out of the way was not to get out of my way, but to keep from laughing at the trainee's initial reply. But when he said that second part, she lost it. She choked and struggled to keep from busting out laughing, heading for the door to get out of the dorm before she completely lost it. I could hear some of the trainees snickering as well, so I knew I was cooked.
"Well, shit!" was all I could say. I could hear SSgt Barrett laughing her ass off as she went down the stairs out of the dorm, and I can't say as I blame her. Looking back on it now, 40+ years later, I laugh at it too.
Eight hours later when we got the flight out of bed to take them to processing, SSgt Barrett called the airman into the flight office and gave him specific instructions as to what he was to say whenever anyone asked him about his eyebrows - and they most certainly would. His reply for the next six weeks was, "Sir/Ma'am, I misunderstood the instructions given to me by my Military Training Instructor!"
For the next 6 weeks this trainee must have given that response a hundred times, if not more. I kinda felt sorry for him, but not too much.
But I can guarantee you that I never used that phrase again for the next 4 years and 21 flights!
































