What NOT to Say to a Biker

Every biker has one, no matter who you are, no matter what you ride, no matter where you work - every biker has one. And if you're a biker, you know just what - and who - I'm talking about. I'm talking about the guy who will always, and I mean ALWAYS, say the exact same freakin' thing every time, and I mean EVERY TIME, the weather outside sucks.

If it's raining, he'll come up to you and say, "SO, YOU DIDN'T RIDE THAT BIKE TODAY, DID YA?"

If it's cold as hell outside, he'll come up to you and say, "SO, YOU DIDN'T RIDE THAT BIKE TODAY, DID YA?"

If the wind is blowing in gale force strength, he'll come up to you and say, "SO, YOU DIDN'T RIDE THAT BIKE TODAY, DID YA?"

If it's snowing like hell outside and only a moron would be driving much less riding, he'll come up to you and say, "SO, YOU DIDN'T RIDE THAT BIKE TODAY, DID YA?"

I've got one at my store, and I'm just about ready to pop his head like a zit the next time he says that to me.

And that time was almost tonight when, on the way out the door and it's cold as hell outside with snow being predicted for later tonight, Mr. Happy walks up to me and says.....well, you know what he said by now, right?

So for those of you who don't ride and have a biker where you work, for your own safety here's a short list of things NOT to say to a biker.

1) First and foremost, if the weather sucks outside, don't ask us if we rode the bike today. Only a very small percentage of us will willingly ride in the rain, so your chances are better than average that if it's raining outside, then no, genius, we didn't ride. So don't ask. DON'T. FUCKIN'. ASK.

2) If you see us ride up and the name "HARLEY-DAVIDSON" is emblazoned on the gas tank of the bike, don't walk up and ask, "SO, IS THAT A HARLEY?"

3) If you see us walking around wearing a Harley-Davidson shirt, a Harley-Davidson hat, and boots with a Harley-Davidson logo on them, don't walk up and ask, "SO, DO YOU RIDE A HARLEY?"

4) If you see us getting ready to walk out of the door to our bike and we've got on a full rain suit because it's raining like hell outside and we got caught at work in it when it wasn't supposed to rain and we have no other way to get home BUT to ride the bike, don't walk up and ask, "SO, ARE YOU GONNA RIDE THE BIKE IN THE RAIN?"

5) On the flip side of the coin, if it's raining outside and we walk in dripping, soaking, sopping wet, if you value your life don't walk up and ask, "SO, IS IT RAINING OUTSIDE?"

6) Don't ask us if we're in the Hell's Angels. Chances are better than average that if we're not wearing the colors, we're not in the Angels.

7) If you see us walking around carrying a helmet, don't walk up and ask, "SO, DO YOU RIDE A MOTORCYCLE?" This will get you killed in some states.

8) And last but not least, don't ever, and I mean EVER, ask a biker if you can sit on his bike. The answer is a big, fat, fuckin' NO!

OK, I feel better now!

IHC

Random Thoughts on a Wednesday Night

So now the Republicans are in control of the Congress, and the session of the 112th Congress has officially begun. Already the Republicans are talking tough and following through, setting new guidelines for conduct and stripping two representatives - namely those from DC and Puerto Rico - of their right to a floor vote. And when you get right down to it, they're right - Puerto Rico is a territory, not a state, and DC is a district, also not a state. So why should they have a floor vote just the same as a recognized state? I'm with the Republicans on this one. But as for the 112th Congress being any different than the 111 before it - time will tell.

And the news from New York is that Brett Favre is being sued to hell and beyoned by at least five girls...well, all I can say is that Karma's other name is "Bitch," because sometimes when it comes back around to you, it sure is. As Brett is about to find out.

Looks like "Obamacare" is about to go on life support...the Republicans have vowed to get it repealed, and after the massacre that was the last elections there are a hell of a lot of Demoncrats who are more than willing to jump off of the Good Ship NObama, just like rats leaving a sinking ship, and vote with the Republicans. Just goes to show you that ANY politician ANYWHERE will do or say ANYTHING in order to get elected. How do you think we got screwed with Obamacare to begin with?

And speaking of the Good Ship NObama, yet another of his "chosen few" is leaving. The White House Press Secretary has announced that he will leave the NObama administration. One cannot help but wonder why...I mean, really, who in their right mind leaves a post in the WHITE HOUSE? Gotta be more to this story than meets the eye...

Saw on the front page of USA TODAY that Pelosi now says that "Jobs are our number one priority!" Huh, that's nice...where the fuck were you two years ago after the Charlatan In Chief got elected and unemployment was rising faster than Katrina's floodwaters? The public was screaming about unemployment and clamoring for jobs, and all she and her band of merry idiots wanted to do was shove Obamacare down our throats. The people spoke loud and clear last November, and Pelosi - along with every Demoncratic politician in existence - heard them and got the message, loud and clear. Now that her ass is on the line, she's all about "jobs." Right. Another example of a politician who will say or do anything in order to get elected. Good luck with that, you bitch.

And the U.S.-backed President of Iraq has now stated that his country doesn't need the US anymore, and he wants ALL of the US troops out immediately. Well, that's gratitude for you, ain't it? Maybe we should have left Saddam in power and never have gone over there in the first place, huh? OK, so yo want to go it alone? Fine, no problem. I say pull ALL of our troops out of EVERY BASE in the Middle East and let the rag-wearing, stinky bastards kill themselves off. And don't give me that "we either fight them over there, or we fight them over here" crap either, 'cuz I ain't buyin' it. Besides, Americans have proven time and time again that we fight hardest when it's defending our OWN land, not a patch of sand on the other side of the world. So I say pull ALL of the troops out of the Middle East and put them someplace where they're REALLY needed - like on the Texas/Arizona/New Mexico border with Mexico.

And lastly, one of the main reasons - okay, THE main reason - we moved to South Carolina was to get away from the cold weather and be able to ride more than 5 months out of the year. So it's been cold as crap here for the past month, my Harley is sitting in the garage hooked up to a battery tender and just aching to be ridden, and I'm gettin antsy as hell to get my knees in the breeze again. WTF, over? Enough with the cold, let's get warm again and GO RIDE!

IHC